There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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