What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
