remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
