My liver just broke up with me...
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now