Small penises have feelings too.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.