haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.