I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
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I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...