So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
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dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?