Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life