That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem