I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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