I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
