it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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