I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
