his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
