problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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