Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
