the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
