If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
