Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
