I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
