I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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