Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
