put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
