I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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