Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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