you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
