My balls are so social today.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
