I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Holy shit dude........stairs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
