K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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