Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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