I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
