Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
