Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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