"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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