he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
