Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize