I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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