I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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