The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
