So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
