So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize