I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
