so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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