We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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