Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dignity is for republicans.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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