i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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