White coat. Heels.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
