i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
