so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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