I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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