I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
