I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
