Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
