I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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