Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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