Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
