Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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