did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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