Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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