im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The power of my boobs compel you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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