Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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