and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
