dude i'm inner monologue high
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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