Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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