i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
