smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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