okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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