I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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