then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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