duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
