forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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