I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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