And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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