they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
