Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
