Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
