I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
A+ Viking dick
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
