I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
