Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
