I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
