You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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