This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
