even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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