totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
