She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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