absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize